I missed school more before I graduated. I overthought it. I felt all the feelings before they were supposed to come.
School was a bigger part of my life than some people. I was school captain and quite involved with the school community. My parents were teachers at my school, prominent members of the school community. High school was tied to my identity for a long time.
So leaving was going to be a big thing. And it was, but then once it happened, it wasn’t. It still occupies my mind from time to time but I don’t think I’ve ever really missed school. Or if I have missed it but I’ve forgotten that I did. Either I’m lying to myself, or whatever feelings I had weren’t important.
Sometimes I feel like no time’s passed at all. Like I could be told there’s been a big mistake and I need to go back tomorrow and I’d exactly where to go and what to do. More, though, it feels like it went past in a blur, if at all.
A common refrain about graduating high school is that you won’t miss school so much as you will miss seeing your friends every day. And that is true to an extent, but I’ve also found that some people were your friend simply because you saw them every day.
There are people I wish I’d see more often, people who were once incredibly important but who are now nothing more than Facebook photo at best, a memory at worst. There are people are less than even that – a face, a name, a feeling or gone altogether.
I’m weird, I’m a bit of a loner, but I think it’s important to lose people, friends especially. It makes the time you had together more special. Even if we all met again, it would never be the same.
History shouldn’t repeat. If things are just like old times, you haven’t changed or grown or regressed. You haven’t lived.
I am grateful for anyone who knew me back then though. I tried my best but I was strange and stupid a lot of the time. I don’t hold grudges or I’ll feeling toward against anyone who was shitty towards me. I was pretty shitty too. I hope people don’t harbour ill feelings for me, though it’s fine if they do.
We were all leaning. How terrible that we become better people by hurting others. How tragic if we hurt others without becoming better ourselves. I say this as someone who got through school relatively unscathed and with mainly positive memories. I know these times can be absolutely horrific for some. I hope life is better for you now.
High school and your teenage years shouldn’t be everything or nothing in your life. Just part of your life. With any luck, you’ll forget most of it too.